make it right?
How you look back over the past eight months and know you’re not the same, you know how you’re changed, and it’s this: you’re no longer oblivious to the mess you are. It’s not that you’re a worse person than you used to be – only that you can no longer brush over the brokenness with a fresh coat of paint.
And
you’ve got to hear this: we’ve got to
get over this being about making a life, because the making of art is
always a slave to its own desire for perfection. And you have to hear this: me and you weren’t made to make ourselves a
perfect life, or at least as close to perfect as we can get. It’s our every
underlying motivation: get it sorted, get
it figured, get it right. We clean and refurbish and refurnish. For a whole
five minutes we think we’ve finally trekked through all that dark and come out whole on the other side – and five
seconds later you’re already thirty centimetres deep in this muddy pit.
You
want to feel right and think right and you want to live right. You hate how you
don’t do what you want to do and you do what you don’t and because the truth
is, you want a good life and don’t give much more than a hurting soul about
God.
We’ll
do anything to make it right. Isn’t that why we aim for this and strive for
that and we’ll sacrifice absolutely everything?
And
you have to hear this: the reason we
live isn’t to get our lives figured out.
And
we don’t hear this, because we’re our
own reason for living. To lay down the sorting, the figuring, the perfecting of
our own lives? We may as well not live at all. That may as well be the same as dying.
To give up making sense
and decency and perfection of our own lives may as well be dying to ourselves.
Jesus
was eating with a bunch of self-professed messed up people when the good guys
wanted to know why. And he said, “Go
and learn what this means: I desire mercy, not sacrifice. For I am came not to
call the righteous, but sinners.”
Jesus’
self-professed sinners were picking out their lunch in the middle of the food
on a Saturday – and the good guys told on them. And he said, “If you’d known
what this means, ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice’ – you wouldn’t have
condemned the guiltless.”
So
we go back, back to Hosea, and we learn and we know: I desire mercy, and not
sacrifice – the knowledge of God rather
than burnt offerings.
And
Jesus is saying it and he’s warning them, he’s begging them, he’s calling them –
this is about Me. I don’t want your
sorting. I don’t want your figuring. I have no desire for your strained
perfection. I hate it.
It’s
this: it’s rejecting a life of presenting
your own offering, instead embracing a life of dependence on God.
“Those
who enter into Christ’s being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a
continuous, low-lying black cloud.” [Romans 8]
My
burnt offering is my futile attempt to make myself right with God, my burnt
offering is my futile attempt to make myself right with this world – my burnt offering is my futile attempt to
make myself right with myself.
My burnt offering is my
refusal of God. It's my denial of the Cross, that Jesus and blood and scarred hands didn't make me right with God.
How all those commands back in days of the Law were made with this incentive: so that you do not forget God, who brought you out of slavery.
So that we do not forget but know.
If I focus on making a life, I'm torn up in jealousy and anxiety and discontentment. If my attention is fixed on making a life, all that I see is myself.
But if I'm fixated on knowing God, on God making Himself known to me and to them and to all of us --
then I be counting all this as joy.
If I focus on making a life, I'm torn up in jealousy and anxiety and discontentment. If my attention is fixed on making a life, all that I see is myself.
But if I'm fixated on knowing God, on God making Himself known to me and to them and to all of us --
then I be counting all this as joy.
Flippin flop.
ReplyDelete