feeling alone

Lots of people feel alone at some point in their life. And, after reading the comments on Libby's latest post, that's exactly true. Maybe you have best friends, but you don't live near enough to them to see them much at all. Maybe you've never actually experienced a best friend realationship..you know, I've always been a big reader.

When I was younger (well, and now as well) in the stories I read, the best friend characters told eachother everything, did heaps of stuff together, and yeah. But my 'best friend' from year 2 to 5, and I -- we didn't have that type of friendship. No. We stayed at eachothers house's on the weekend, hung out at school...but we never 'talked' or anything like that. I always thought that the best friends in the books I loved were sort of 'pretend' friendships, the way they acted together.

But, after my family and I moved, I met my best friend, Ally. We talk heaps, do heaps together, have heaps in common. We both went to the same school, the same church. We had similar families (like, a couple of siblings each...) didn't (well, don't) lie to eachother, we're just the best of friends. Like, my dream of having a true best friend that I could talk to came through. I'd never had one, until I met Ally. Now, that we've moved again, Ally and I are still best friends, but in the two years I was going to school with her, etc. -- well, we hung out together by ourselves. You know, just the two of us. Don't get me wrong, we weren't exclusive.

There was this new girl at school, she lived on a farm, we hung around with her sometimes, because, I'm not sure why -- the other girls in our class didn't want to play with her. I mean, when she did, and they were playing like, a ball game or something, and it went out of the court or something, they'd make her go get it. Seriously. Oh yeah, the school was really small, so there isn't many girls there -- I was the oldest in the school, my class had about 15 kids in it -- it was the biggest class in the school!

Anyway, as I was saying...hang on, lets go back to the school me and Ally went to. Now, we had eachother, BFFL. Then, this other new girl came to the school. I'm going to describe her. She was pretty big, had teeth sticking out, couldn't run (not sure why) and some other stuff. Anyway, no-one liked her, no-one talked to her, they said she smelled, and were downright rude to her. I'm a really quiet student, remember.

Remember, girlz -- no-one is perfect. So, although Ally and I weren't downrighht rude to her, we certainly didn't go out of our way to be nice. We could have been nicer, I know. But, I guess you had to be there to sort of understand how I felt. I mean, here's a scenario: One time in class, I have no idea why, but our teacher told us to go around the room and shake hands with people. The girl came up to me, and put out her hand. I stared at it. It was all lumpy, dry, red...you get the picture. I was really scared to shake it. My teacher was looking at me, and she yells 'JUST SHAKE IT!!!' I quickly shook it, but I was really scared. I know, I know -- I shouldn't feel that way. But has anyone ever thought about what it would be like to BE the outsider? Have no friends, AT ALL?

Everyone ignoring you, making rude comments behind your back, and to your face? Since my family and I have moved, Ally has no-one to hang around with anymore, because the other girls exclude her. I used to be exactly the same, in year 5, before me and Ally actually started hanging together. My whole class played soccer, and I didn't want to play, so I'd sit down on one of the benches, just like Ally does now...I read books, did my homwork...I tried to look like I didn't mind, but it was really lonely...

At my new school, my new friends are in a different class to me, and my class is like, literally the worst class. I'm like, super super quiet when I'm in there, but when I'm outside with friends, I'm like, well ME...sort of. :P But as I get to know them better, I'll be more and more open...pray for me girlz, I'm praying for you =)