am i being me?

"I never wanted to be different; I just wanted to be me."


Check out that quote. For me, it's a wow moment. It's not about being different, doing something just because it's what everyone else isn't doing -- just like doing what other people are doing doesn't mean you're copying.


It feels like life lately [or maybe always, and I've just caught on] revolves a lot on being a "leader". When questioned in a self-evaluation a couple of months ago on how I thought I'd gone on being a leader, I wrote this:


"Everyone can't be a leader at once." It's probably not gramatically correct word-wise, but that's just not the point. 


Because you want to know what I think? [Or maybe this is what my mum said when I was talkin' to her about this.] 


We're called to be followers of Christ. Um, what was that? Not leaders of Christ, but, uh, followers of Christ?


That's right. When Jesus was walkin' around the earth with His very own pair of feet, He called over Peter and all those other -- er, eleven -- disciples. What'd He say? "Hey, come follow me!" 


Come follow me. 


Follow Jesus. 


If we're following Jesus -- really following, as in trusting and believing and, as Fransesca Battistelli would say in "Letting Go" -- giving up what we want and going with what God wants -- we don't have to worry about if we're being "different" and a "leader" or not. 


Because I'm thinking that this is what life's about; following Jesus. It's not complicated. It's not gonna be a grade on your report. 


I'm pretty sure I've posted this verse before -- maybe even twice or three times -- but here it is, again. Matthew 10, The Message.

"If you don't go all the way with me, through thick and thin, you don't deserve me. If your first concern is to look after yourself, you'll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you'll find both yourself and me." [As Max Lucado would write, Italics mine.]

We don't have to worry if we're being like everyone else and not being true to ourselves or whatever. This verse is telling us exactly what we need to do -- go all the way with Jesus. Look to Him. And what happens? We find ourselves, too.

God designed His plan for our lives knowing exactly who we are. Listen to Him. Search Him with your whole heart. How? Sit down. Close your eyes. Pray. And listen. Read your Bible. Talk to God. Sing. Write.

dear God
i don't want to be who i'm not. 
sometimes i get so carried away with the whole,
"is this me? is this too much somebody else?"
You've shown me what to do; 
seek You, search You, go all the way with You. 
iloveYou Daddy