waiting

I will tell you what faith is. It is the waiting place. Faith is the place where you will never know if what you're holding on to is something that you made up in your head. 

Faith is when you are sure of nothing. It is when the only thought you have is of the only thing that you can feel: breaking. 

It is when all the worst things happen, when something you like gets wrecked, and something you worked hard on gets all twisted up, when you can't love without needing. 

It is square one, as if you never moved on. 

"Mystify us, arouse and confuse us. Shatter all our illusions and plans so that we lose our way, and see neither path nor light until we have found you." jean-pierre de caussade

It is having no-where left to wander. It is isolation.
Faith is the waiting place, this dark womb. 

It is when the only thing there is to do is to decide that you didn't make it up in your head, to decide that what is happening in this waiting place is some kind of growing,

and what happens, what will happen, is some kind of birth,

marked by death and resurrection.